Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
