We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
