i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
