so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
