He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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