is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
