when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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