I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
