she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the day after is always just damage control
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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