if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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