just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
