dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
