okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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