yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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