"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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