new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
