I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
