I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
