she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need to stop coming to work sober
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
