I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
