i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
