no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
