hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
