The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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