Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I want her autograph on my taint
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
