with your own penis?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
