Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
