okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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