i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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