11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
