Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
