we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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