smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
