i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
should my penis look like a turkey
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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