If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
