got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
