Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
