Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
