Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
