I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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