Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
