well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize