my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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