Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize