I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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