Swine flu. Run for my life!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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