remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize