Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
