whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
