no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wish there were birth control emojis
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize