yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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