my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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