I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Rumble strips road head = magical
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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