bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
