i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
