I wanna passion pit in your ass
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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