Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
