the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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