From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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