I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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