You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
