I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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